‘If it’s true that we are fighting a WAR everyday,“What are YOU fighting for?’

‘If it’s true that we are fighting a WAR everyday,
“What are YOU fighting for?’
By
Esther D. Kimsiong

-WAR- oxford defines it as a state of armed conflict between different nations or states, or armed groups ~ a state of competition, conflict or hostility ~ I was taken by a phrase that I heard from a movie called ‘The Freedom Writers’. It goes ‘Everyday we are all fighting our own War’. If that was true, then what am I fighting for today? What about yesterday or tomorrow? If I am a soldier here on earth, what am I actually representing? What matters that I cared most to stand up and fight for?

Is it love? The one thing that could lift me up, high enough to feel the touch of heaven only to risk myself to fall harder to the ground which, from the effect of its failure, can lead me to loose my mind or even worse, have my heart shattered to pieces and hoped never to love again? If it is love that I am fighting for every single day, then I think this life is a never ending war.

Or maybe I am fighting for my pride? Another element that I have within me to justify the way I am towards others. The one thing that I have that enables me to walk around people with my head held up high even though deep in my heart, I knew that my weaknesses are visible in their eyes. Pride of oneself is what strengthens me from the fall that I just had, and by that, inspires me to say ‘Hey, so what? Everyone falls. Today just happens to be my turn.’ Although, too much pride can lead me astray, right? So is that MY war?

If I am fighting a war against my desires, be it both emotionally or other parts of my well being that is incorporated with life, will it be worth it? Everyday we fight within ourselves on what we want and what we need but then another question arises; how do you determine whether something that we need is actually what we want or the other way around. How can we be really sure of which desires to obey and which to fight off? If you are really digging inside my head at the moment, then maybe you can understand that I’m starting to feel restless.

Maybe I am fighting for attention like how I see it in the young adult movies nowadays. Ugly girl being made fun off in school or workplace then something happened and she somehow transformed herself to something more appealing to others then in the end, be on top of her world. Is that what I’m fighting for? Must I fight to be appealing to others? Why must I change myself to please others? Shouldn’t we follow what is taught to us, to love and accept ourselves the way we are because God’s creations are beautiful, aren’t they? Why must it matter if we are deformed, crippled, have crossed-eyes, overweight or too skinny, or maybe our eyes are too small or poor, incapable and the list goes on. Why must it matter and should I fight to defend what I am or fight to become what the society wants me to be? (Sighs) This is getting more complicated than I thought.

I mentioned ‘on top of the world’ in the above paragraph and a thought suddenly came to me; I may be fighting for position. Position possibly in the society perhaps, position in a community, be it big or small since we were taught by the commercials on TV and the people around us that ‘everything big started small’. Position equals Power. Power equals Influence over others. When you have it, you can manufacture consent be it by coercion or persuasion. No matter where the position is held, you will still have this ‘gift’ (wait a minute, is it really a gift? Or a curse?) When you have power, it can lead to the abuse of it, if that happens, where would I stand? FIGHT FOR POWER or AGAINST IT? Either one, it is still war, right?

I guess by critically understanding the phrase ‘‘Everyday we are all fighting our own War’’, I realized something. To some, life is nothing but a routined programme that we go through every single day. I use to sit in my room hoping that I may have the chance to do something that will challenge me. I didn’t thought of the little emotions that we have everyday is actually a challenge that we have to go through. Is it not a challenge of oneself to let the heart to fall deeply with a stranger and call it love? Is it not a challenge for oneself to fight the feeling to have the power to control over others or be controlled? Is it not a conflict to even think of the answers for the questions that one faced?

(sigh) Maybe it is a war. A different kind of war. Maybe we are facing ‘conflict’ everyday. Maybe we are fighting for something within, the turmoil of emotions, desires and so on. Maybe….. What do you think? Are you fighting your own war everyday…? : ) Take a minute and ask yourself.